After a long pause, Kato unfurled the fists that he unconsciously formed and rested his arms on the bridge’s handrail. He looked down at the black mirror that was the water’s surface, where soft ripples continuously fanned across. Mayumi followed suit, but instead of the water she stared carefully at Kato’s troubled face. He forced a helpless smile as he noticed her gaze.
“I was a kid back then, and as a bratty kid, I couldn’t take care of everyone. I could only fight whatever was in front of me and leave everything around me behind. Even today, I still do that, but at least I’ll be aware of what I have to sacrifice.
“I can say I should have done things differently, but that’s just naïve. I was more than just desperate to save you. At that moment, I wanted to give up everything I have to make you stay alive, and I had put those feelings into words.”
Mayumi knew which moment he was referring to. She, too, smiled awkwardly with reservation.
“Yeah, I remember. Very clearly.”
Kato put his head in one hand, still perched on the railing.
“No doubt it did, because I didn’t want you to give up yet. You were on the deathbed, physically and mentally. That person in the hospital wasn’t the Mayumi I knew of. Whoever that person was, she was a different person. And I can pride myself in bringing the real Mayumi back, first in spirit, and then for real.”
“I couldn’t believe you found out where I was staying, and then to come in to cry endlessly in front of me until I accepted your help in curing my eye. You’re right. I’ve already given up.”
“Which is exactly why I was desperate enough to give that speech. Though I don’t really wanna remember any of its embarrassing details.”
“It’s okay. I still remember the important bits as clear as day.”
“Thank goodness.”
He spat out sarcastically on reflex, but held the rest of it in. While he didn’t want to, he, too, remembered it clearly.
“Please don’t give up! Don’t give up! Even if I need to offer up the entire world for you to return to me, I’ll make it happen! So, please, believe in me! Let me take care of you for once, and everything will be all right, Mayumi! I’ll create a miracle, I promise you! You know there’s nothing that I can’t make happen for you!”
Kato had professed as such at the end of a heated exchange between himself and Mayumi, who had been speaking as if she was already dead, trying to implore the others to move on from her. It was especially difficult for Kato, who refused to abandon her.
“As much as it seems cliché, you changed my heart with that. In many more ways than you anticipated.”
He felt as if she hurled a spear and pierced where his heart was, bringing it immeasurable pain, but he kept it in and ignored it as if it was nothing.
“It not only changed your heart. Probably, that was when Caius’ downward spiral began. I can’t tell you what exactly went through his head, but he definitely didn’t appreciate what I said, when he was supposed to be your boyfriend.”
“…”
“So, tell me one thing. Why did you agree to date him in the first place?”
Kato removed his face from his hand and aimed his eyes at Mayumi, who in exchange averted his gaze and focused her eye on the water.
“…I didn’t expect myself to survive beyond that. I thought of it as a favour for Caius, to leave him with some good memories, and that was why I was a little resistant when you were pleading for me. I thought I needed to pass away, because I didn’t love Caius the way he wanted, nor the way did I come to love you.”
He knew that was the answer anyway, but another spear was flung at his heart and hurt him all the same. That time was a mess of massive proportions, and it only got worse. He sighed with a bitter taste in his mouth.
“Then, the only course of action I knew was to beg Lady Eterna to fix your eye. You had no idea how desperate I was in front of her, but she eventually agreed to cure it. It was important that I convinced you to not give up, or else Lady Eterna would never agree to cure you in the first place. With her arbitrarily omnipotent powers, it was healed in a matter of days, and before we knew it, you were back in school.”
At that point, Mayumi was still there with them, and also knew what had happened. She held her hands tightly together, bracing for it as he continued.
“Long story short, you just ignored Caius and began clinging to me as you are right now. I’m shocked that Caius didn’t melt down immediately, and against my expectations he decidedly ignored it, too.
“But on the day of your confession, that was also when we found out for certain that Caius held, let’s say, a grievance against me. A couple of hours after your confession, Caius came to us at the end of class and we basically threw insults at each other. Well, it was mostly him, but you get the idea. You sat through that silently, after all.
“I’ll admit, in hindsight, what had happened did sound like what he accused me of, even if it did not sound like it in the moment. He was rightfully furious at me, who had seemingly stolen you away from him, and while you disappeared from Korolev the next day, so did Caius.”
Mayumi’s fingers dug into her skin, turning the contact area white. Listening intently, she didn’t realize her breath was turning shallower with every breath, contributing to her state of fear and anxiety.
“This time, we figured out from Karl, our caretaker, that you merely moved away from Korolev, so we couldn’t do much about that. But then Caius went missing for a long time, not going to school and not willing to see any of the Elites. It went on for long enough that we thought the Elites were done for.
“But it turned out that Caius was in the hospital for almost the entire time, and it was to treat the lingering symptoms of his panic attacks. When we went to visit him, he tried to throw us out with as much contempt for me as he did on your final day. It was like we just continued where we left off, with no end to our feud in sight.”
Kato let go of the railing. His face was somehow glazed yet strained; the former from his irredeemable regrets, the latter from the stress of carefully observing Mayumi’s expression.
“In the end, only one thing saved the Elites from permanently disbanding, and it was when he learned that you left Korolev on the same day he went AWOL. He didn’t know about that until we told him.”
“—!”
Mayumi gasped ever so slightly, stunned.
“He calmed down quickly enough. As soon as he heard it, it turned him into the Caius we know of today. The one that’s always calm, cool, collected, and the most distant of all of us. At the very end, he told me this.”
“I will never forgive you, nor will I put my trust in you, ever. But just this time, and only while the issue of Mayumi is set aside, I’m willing to ignore what had happened in the last month. In other words, we’ll still be friends, until we’re not. You have the right to refuse, in which case this will be the last time I’ll see either of you. So, what’s your answer?”
Her voice was reduced to a murmur.
“I…I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“And seeing how Caius reacted to your minor mishap in the Assembly Hall the other day, I’m absolutely certain that these feelings still exist somewhere within him.”
He peeled his gaze off of Mayumi and heaved another fatigued sigh.
“So, do you understand the reason why I cannot give you an answer? Someone has to fill in the shoes that you left behind, and even if you’ve come back to us now, you don’t fit those shoes anymore.”
“…”
Only now, as Kato said it aloud that it occurred to her he was right. The Elites would have slowly drifted apart without somebody stepping up to take on the mantle of her leadership. It was even more remarkable that he was able to keep the company together for this long when Kato’s household was physically present for only two days of the week at school and a Sunday here and there. And at this juncture, Kato had no intention of giving up on the Elites by answering her feelings.
“You mean, we can’t go back to the way we used to be?”
He smiled wryly.
“A lot’s changed in the seven years you were gone.”
Her heart ached at the turn her second confession had to take, and at the next, obvious question she desperately wanted answered. Though she turned to him, she instinctively covered her right eye with her hand in order to steel herself enough to ask.
“If you can’t return my feelings, will you only just tell me yours? It’s all right if we can’t be any more than what’s allowed. I just want to know—”
Mayumi’s body slackened as she watched Kato slowly close his eyes and shake his head. She lost all of her strength, and a world of oil on canvas melted around her as tears filled her vision.
She lied. If she put enough willpower into it, as she just inadvertently did, she could use her eye’s clairvoyant powers whether it was covered or not, although it was easier to trigger its precognitive effects with exposure to light. She lived amidst a sea of prophecies and visions at any time and any place, a curse given to her at birth with no means of salvation.
Time and time again, her future sight came to her in a dreamlike, out-of-body sequence, playing out the scenario to her like an old, scratched-up videocassette recording. As her mind floated about on a distant plane above the mortal realm, to the outside observer her visions were instantaneous. Once the trance ended, it snapped her consciousness right back to the present, with no time missed.
She saw, without doubt, the negative answer that Kato was about to reveal to her. That alone was already enough to make her buckle and rest on her knees, gently sobbing into her hands that clumsily wiped at the tears on her face. The kaleidoscope of evening colours was swallowed by the darkness as she shut her eyes, unable to muster the strength to keep them open.
Mayumi could not feel the coarse, hard surface of the asphalt that dug into her knees through the thin fabric of her yukata. The air around her chilled several degrees despite the fair weather and the throng of people constantly shuffling across the bridge. Some passersby noticed her and were visibly distressed at her plight, but no one stopped to interrupt, afraid of both Mayumi’s pitiful state and Kato’s imposing aura. And in the heart of the twilight, she cried out ever so softly.
“Why…?”
He was baffled by the lengths that Mayumi was willing to go to, and at the same time upset and frustrated at that stubbornness. She really did have the enormous ego to ignore the difficulties that he needed to deal with and to pursue her own selfish desires, but without it, she wouldn’t make it all the way here either. Nor did Kato think it was all that out of the ordinary, as he also had his own disgraceful, conceited moments.
But while she wasn’t wrong, he would react in the same way to it as anyone else would. If he didn’t, she would never be able to accept this reality. Kato’s grim expression casted long shadows over his face as he prepared to lay all the blame on Mayumi. He let the years of resentment boil over in this very moment, and then instantly realized why she was this upset. She saw this answer too.
“Because you left me.”
“Really?”
“The damning thing was that Kato couldn’t forgive Mayumi for leaving the way she did. So while logically I shouldn’t hate him, it’s in part because of my pride, I think. Why was he able to get her to like him, while I was never able to? That’s already enough reason to be unreasonably bitter.”
Now with the sun completely set, Caius was laid on his back with his eyes closed. Cecilia had rested her hand on his forehead, and they maintained this comfy position for a long while as he continued to explain.
“I mean, like, that’s one thing and this is another. Your reaction is as natural as it should be.”
Caius kept a light smile on his face.
“While I think I scared him enough with that outburst, really, I don’t actually hate him anymore. It’s been so long since that happened, and looking back at it now, it’s been stupid to hold onto that grudge. I lost Mayumi fair and square, or rather, I never won her heart in the first place. Even if I have leftover feelings for her in the present, I already know it’ll never be answered. It’s easier to give up, eh?”
“But you kept the façade up, didn’t you?”
He pointed to his heart with his thumb alongside a tinge of ego in his half-sneer.
“Well, yes. I can say it’s convenient to keep Kato in line, perhaps, but realistically, I know Kato’s earnesty well enough that I don’t actually need to keep it up. It’s just a bad habit of mine to keep my cards close by and face-down.”
She knew what he meant by that. She was also a loner, so she understood exactly why one would close off their heart to others. Cecilia patted his head unconsciously.
“Then, why exactly was Kato that angry at Mayumi? Shouldn’t everyone else be just as upset?”
“He probably resented her for almost breaking up the Elites. That’s another reason why I shouldn’t hate Kato. He really believes in his friends and treasures that friendship. After all, he gambled against Lady Eterna with his life to save Mayumi. Mayumi was someone he looked up to as a leader of our little group, as a personification of that idealized friendship, and for Mayumi to completely betray those expectations of his, probably hurt him a lot.”
“Like seeing the less-than-ideal side of an idol, I guess?”
“Something like that, but much worse, of course. Because of that, he most likely doesn’t trust Mayumi as he did before; which makes sense, as he’s not following her around like a teacher’s pet anymore.”
“He was that kind of a kid before?”
He chuckled at Cecilia’s wide eyes.
“Yes, that kind of a kid. The kind who’s always on her coat tails, like a subservient sidekick. For girls, we call them groupies, right?”
“Yes…”
She knew exactly what he was talking about. Within circles of girls, especially the popular girls, there was always the most popular one at the top of the food chain, and many below that either idolized her as servile cronies—groupies—or were trying to find any and every way to overthrow her position and become the top dog.
Then she caught onto a detail he mentioned.
“Gambled against Lady Eterna? What do you mean by that?”
“Do you think that begging will get Lady Eterna to do him a favour? There’s a cost to every miracle you wish for, and Kato almost paid the ultimate price.”
Cecilia was aghast, because while Eterna was an omnipotent being, she was also the strongest mobster on the continent. She could only imagine.
“What exactly did Lady Eterna make him do?”
“It’s not as grotesque as you’re thinking. She just tested his resolve. They played Avian roulette with two bullets on opposite ends of the chamber, that’s all.”
“They played?”
“Lady Eterna first, Kato second. They’re both alive, so you know what happened.”
“Haaaaah… Kato’s pull was a fifty-fifty. Either it was the second blank in the turn, or it’s one of the bullets.”
“Exactly. Kato only needed to pull the trigger, and Lady Eterna would cure Mayumi. It didn’t matter if he died or not.”
The tributary was wide and deep enough to moderate the temperature of its surroundings, so as the evening ticked by, the cooler the air became. It tickled and refreshed their faces, conveniently making their laid-back positions even more comfortable.
“Knowing this, I shouldn’t have been too ambiguous with them when Mayumi returned out of the blue recently. For sure, I know Kato doesn’t have any lingering feelings for her after her initial departure.”
“What, you mean that he had feelings for her before?”
Caius opened one eye, still grinning lightly.
“Well, it’s just my hunch, but mine are usually accurate. Remember I told you that Kato held her in really high regard? Almost like an idol, as you said, but she’s different from an idol in that they held consistent mutual interactions.
“While Kato might not have noticed it, his relationship with Mayumi was much more than just friends. Way more. It’s obvious as day from the outside, but amazingly both Kato and Mayumi were oblivious to it. You’d think Mayumi would be the first to notice, but as cliché as this may sound, her blind spot is herself.”
“Most people’s blind spots are themselves, to be fair.”
“Of course. His admiration for her was there from the start, but it began to evolve into something more substantial over time, if you get what I mean.”
“Heheh. I bet they were spending more and more time together, and with a shorter and shorter physical distance between them.”
Kind of like us right now, the thought suddenly struck Cecilia.
“Very good, very good. This is why I had to confess to Mayumi in the first place: to put myself in between them. And actually, that went really smoothly, so it proved that they were unaware of their mutual attraction towards each other.”
“Now you sound like a homewrecker.”
Caius laughed earnestly.
“That does sound like a homewrecker. I give, I give. Anyway, in the end, it didn’t work out in the way I wanted, so it was all for naught.”
Another bout of silence floated between them for a short while.
“So, knowing what you know, what do you think will become of the two of them tonight? They’re spending it together, y’know.”
“Hm? I expect that either nothing happens, or it blows up spectacularly in Mayumi’s face. Why do you think I have the guts to help her out in the first place?”
His small sneer reappeared, brimming with confidence that his predictions would come to pass. Cecilia giggled.
“You’re such a terrible person. Rotten to the core. There’s no other way to describe it.”
“Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
A little hesitant, Cecilia asked another question after another lull.
“If it turns out that it blows up spectacularly in her face, what would you do?”
“What would I do? I’d do what I’d do normally, I guess? It’ll suck for the people involved, but what can I even do about it, and for what purpose?”
She waited patiently for the bravado to dissipate. Even Caius had the classic prideful characteristic of the masculine ego in him.
“I’ll probably be pretty angry, to be honest. Who wouldn’t?”
“Even after all this time, you still have something for Mayumi?”
“I’d be lying if I didn’t. But I’d also be lying if I had any pretensions that Mayumi would have a change of heart in my favour. A lose-lose situation for me.”
He finally sat up and into the relatively cool air blowing gently from the river, patting Cecilia’s head just thrice before attempting to get up to stretch out his limbs.
“But whatever happens, nothing about me will change. That, for sure, I know. Kind of like Tommy in his Homecoming, right?”
“—!”
Suddenly, Cecilia burst out in laughter. It was such a terrible analogy. Their situations were nowhere close to each other’s, but the crucial parallel that Caius pointed out, was true. Tommy, in his disgraceful return to Sunnyville, found out the hard way that, despite all his efforts and the efforts of the world around him, he and the world around him remained unchanged.
But there was one other thing that Tommy did about that. At the end of his journey through the city and the underbelly, he duly accepted that despicable part of himself: the fact that he was merely a suburban kid without the guts or heart for the ideals that Whatzshecalled was chasing after. To that, Cecilia still had doubts if Caius had truly let go as Tommy had.
Caius, though, seemed to be aware of what she was thinking, and he shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t too sure himself, either.
“Let’s go. Everyone’s gonna be waiting for the fireworks.”
He held out his hand to the girl with, despite the occasion, a mop for her hair, still. She took it enthusiastically. She learned a lot about her friend’s thoughts today, she told herself.
Because of the rescheduling, the equinox festival was winding down earlier than usual. People moved away from the festival centre the later the night went on, especially for local folks who went on foot. Around two hours of standing and walking without a break was enough to tire most ordinary people, and because of the blocks of unofficial shops that were set up adjacent to the designated festival streets, moving towards home made a natural transition. However, it was far from emptying the main festival streets. There were still more than enough festival-goers, and for the eager and excited it would continue late into the night.
At a cleared out corner of the main square on Pedder Street stood a subset of Elites that were unusually quiet for a group mass of this size. Bianca was sitting on the pavement leaning against a long, low, rectangular concrete planter with her geta off because she had sprained her ankle, and next to her was a standing Kato with a rigidly forlorn face. Eon, Yui, Franco, Alice and Sisi made a wide, disjointed circle around him wearing varying expressions, from pissed off to anxious to listless.
“Why the long faces?”
Caius’ mood upon rejoining the group was relatively much better than the gang’s. No response from such a rowdy group of children was enough to tell that something went terribly wrong. Cecilia watched him and the Elites worriedly, and she immediately noticed that Mayumi was among the ones missing and separated from Kato.
“Is it because Bianca’s injured herself? This is par for the course, right? Every year, at least one person takes a misstep in their geta and hurts themselves.”
Still quite genial, he joined the awkward circle next to Eon, who shot an anxious glance as Caius materialized beside him. Instead of joining the circle, Cecilia remained some distance behind their formation, feeling a little out of place to do so for a circle of friends she had been attached to only recently; she still felt like a mercenary or a floater, neither part of nor outside of them.
“Where’re the others? Evie, Scarlett, Ariel. Anyone seen them?”
Caius only got an extended silence from the circle. Even Sisi was visibly concerned, but would not talk. As he mentally assessed the bizarre scene in front of him, he surmised that his best strategy was to continue to feign ignorance to get someone to start talking. Of course, he noticed the same things that Cecilia had. He steadily pressed on.
“Where’s Mayumi? She’s gone too?”
Eon clicked his tongue impatiently before he answered.
“They’re all together, and they’re probably taking her home right now.”
“Taking her home? What, is she injured like Bianca, too?”
“Oh, she’s injured, all right. Just not in the way Bianca is, that’s all.”
“Ho? Then, in what way was she injured?”
Another silence fell on the group. No one seemed willing to answer that question, so Caius assumed that he and Cecilia, the last ones to arrive, were also the last ones to know of what happened between Kato and Mayumi. Caius shrugged and sat down on the ground.
“I don’t care how many explanations have already been made, but while we still have someone in the dark, let’s hear it one more time.”
The silence persisted, but Caius felt like waiting. No one else was moving either, so he had all the time in the world. Cecilia felt the tense pressure from all members of their summoning circle and it was quite menacing, prompting her to remain silent as they were. At least the crowds were still busy enough with themselves that their peculiar assembled formation didn’t attract too much attention.
After a long while, Kato was the first to speak up. It had to be him, anyway.
“In short, Mayumi asked me to give her an answer, so I gave her a negative answer.”
“That was really short, yeah. I get it, but what’s the problem? How did she take it?”
“She wanted to know why, of course.”
Kato sat down gingerly on the edge of the concrete planter that Bianca was leaning onto. He continued as he watched Caius carefully, who did the same in return.
“She also wanted to know what my own feelings are, outside of all our baggage. She was using her eye’s powers as she asked. I could only guess, but I think I know what she saw.”
“Then, what was the invisible conversation like?”
Sometimes, conversations with Mayumi could become disjointed when her visions propelled her several lines ahead. Because she would react to an answer that wasn’t actually given yet, it took some trouble for the receiver to piece the full conversation together. In a way, it amounted to reading Kato’s thoughts, though normally it was difficult to do such a thing. The other party would need to already have a very strong resolve about the issue at hand for Mayumi to hear the individual words in her vision, including thoughts that he might not want heard. And this was one of such moments.
“I’ll start from the beginning. I’m not in love with her, so she likely saw that first.”
“I’m sure you don’t today. I know that already.”
“It’s for the record.”
Unusually, Eon interrupted. Caius gave a small nod at his friend, momentarily acknowledging his presence but otherwise still laser-focused on Kato.
“Okay, fine. That’s what she saw first. Then, what else did she see with her eye?”
Kato let out a sigh.
“She probably saw that I came to resent her for leaving us like that, and because of it, I don’t trust her in that way anymore, in order to have such a relationship.”
“Mhm. That sounds about right.”
“About right?”
“I mean, I’m not surprised you would think that way, but never mind that. How did she respond?”
Pausing for a moment to brace himself, Kato looked around to the others who remained silent, except maybe a little tenser as Kato steadily marched forward in his explanation.
“She didn’t respond to that, specifically. I believe she saw something else along with that, and that’s what she responded to.”
“Go on.”
A couple of the Elites in the circle quietly turned away. Eon, on the other hand, moved forward into a position sort of in between the two.
“Besides the situation around her life, there was something else I didn’t trust her with, and it’s got to do with her motivations after she returned to Korolev. If I were to believe she returned to only chase after me, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt and believe it. But she spends way more time with you than she does with me, and I think there’s some underlying motive for that, so in the end I cannot trust her with my feelings.”
Unconsciously, Caius curled his hands into fists, gripping himself tightly.
“And what would that motive be?”
“I think she’s desperate to find a way to forgive herself for ditching you the way she did. Or rather, she wants to find something to justify to herself that that decision isn’t wrong, so she can live without that guilt anymore.”
“Oh, really? And how did you prove your theory?”
Never before was Kato this tongue-tied in his life, but here he was, about to incriminate his blond friend in an accusation born of his own insecurities. He almost spluttered.
“One, to fulfill her original aim of getting together with me. Second, to get you to move on from her. These were the two things she was doing—”
“And? What of it?”
Caius quickly closed the distance between them and pulled Kato by the lapels to his face. The group around them flinched and was unable to maneuver between them before he reached Kato, including Eon who had seen it coming.
“‘What of it?’”
“What did she have to say about that? This isn’t the first time she used her eye to read our thoughts. You didn’t want to tell her this, but her eye saw it, right?”
Kato was slack, allowing Caius to hold him there as he concentrated on his thoughts. He squinted at Caius’ looming face that was wrought with grief, and the boulder on top of his heart gained even more weight.
“…”
“She denied it at first, but it was half-assed. She broke down there, because Kato got it right. Mayumi came back to Korolev not just for Kato, but you as well, and most importantly, herself.”
Eon interrupted again, this time with his hands on both their shoulders, but neither Kato nor Caius broke away from their locked eyes. Besides the words coming out of his mouth, they ignored Eon’s presence like the first time.
“Mayumi continued to ask about it, for a second time—well, the first time—to make sure they were truths, and Kato confirmed it each time. Eventually, Bianca, Ariel and myself stepped in to separate them because by that point Mayumi was completely exhausted from using her eye and should be sent home. In the end, the three of them, the other girls missing from here, took her home.”
They didn’t blink, and sweat rolled down both their faces. Caius was the first to snarl.
“Did that make you feel like you couldn’t trust Mayumi? Just because she was doing some soul-searching?”
“…”
“You’re distrustful of her intentions, because you think it’s more about absolving herself of her mistakes, than truly loving you, is that right? And even if there’s no evidence to show that that’s even remotely true, you’d still think that way, hm?”
“…”
“My apologies. She’s never told us why she left us back then, or why she returned to Korolev in the first place. That’s why you’re distrustful, because of that uncertainty.”
It was already clear to everyone present that her return was definitely not only about the Elites. It was much easier to let go of this baggage than return to it.
“But whatever those reasons are, they have no place in the Elites anyway. If it did, she would have told us a long time ago. That’s my faith in her, and that’s why I continue to do things the way I do.”
With his other hand, somehow, he pointed at Kato in the eye, even though their faces were inches from one another.
“One, I don’t need her to come between us if she’s not gonna be here, and that was the last seven years. Two, if she wants to use me to get closer to you, then so be it. I’ve accepted that I’ve already lost. Three, I’ll welcome whatever she does to allow me to move on from her, because only an ungrateful bastard would view it as some contrived self-salvation trick. You get me?
“You can be correct, that she’s doing all of this so she can find peace for herself. Obviously, she’s not doing this purely out of contrition. She has to do it for her own sake on some level. You’re doing the exact same thing.”
Kato was the first to blink, and finally replied in a surly mutter.
“I have no doubt that that’s true, but it doesn’t make me any more inclined to accept her feelings.”
“I know.”
Out of nowhere and pushing Eon aside, Caius landed a punch in Kato’s face, knocking him off of his seat and into the overgrown shrubbery behind him. While Kato’s superhuman senses saw it coming, he allowed the flimsy fist to connect with his face, knowing he probably fully deserved it. The sharp branches behind him scratched obnoxiously at his exposed head and arms, even puncturing his yukata.
“Hey!” “Caius!” “Kato!” “—!”
Simultaneously the crew exclaimed, but no one moved from their place one step further because Caius had already grabbed Kato’s lapels again, still wearing the same harsh expression.
“You’re scum, y’know that? But I can’t control what you think, so you do you. Continue to throw away the hearts of girls who unconditionally gave them to you. That punch was for Mayumi.”
Peculiarly, Bianca, who was right next to them, flinched.
“…I have nothing to say.”
Kato laid limp and defeated in the dry soil, his eyes already lost their focus and colour. He was at a loss as to what to do while fighting his internal turmoil, but it was the same for Caius. He, too, didn’t expect to have that kind of fight in himself.
“I feel sorry for Mayumi, or any girl who had the misfortune to have been involved with you. If you find Mayumi’s pure—pure—heart to be too difficult to put your faith in, then I don’t know what kind of perfect fantasy world you live in, because you’re just gonna keep on suffering. And no amount of punching from me or Eon will help.”
The scathing remark hurt way more than the branches did on his arms, and Kato accepted it silently. On the side, Eon grimaced. When Caius realized that Kato was not responding anymore, he subconsciously let one hand go of his yukata; and rather angrily, as if he wanted Kato to rebuke him.
“Am I wrong? There were no winners this time, last time, or any other time. And you were the biggest loser, every time.”
Another raw stab at his heart paralyzed Kato in place. Still looking up at Caius’ face, the deep blue eyes on it were swollen red and on the verge of tears, but in a bitter and frustrated way. Caius shook his head and was unimpressed by his lack of response.
“Maybe I should be thanking you. What you’re doing is technically advantageous for me, but I can’t find it in myself to not feel aggrieved for Mayumi’s sake. It’s very simple. You’ve hurt her irreparably, and I cannot accept that. I get that she did the same to you, and you cannot accept that either. That’s why things turned out like this.”
“It’s simpler than that. I don’t love her. That’s all.”
Kato managed to grunt. Gradually, the frustration on Caius’ face finally caught up with the rest of his body, impatiently stamping one foot onto the edge of the concrete planter, but didn’t make contact with Kato.
“And I wish you did, as you had before. It might not have ended well for me, but that is Mayumi’s wish, after all. Not mine.”
“You—I’ve never—”
“Don’t kid yourself. You just weren’t aware of it.”
“Wait, that’s—”
He was startled by Caius who abruptly got up and threw him back into the shrubs. Caius staggered unevenly a few steps backwards as he began to turn his back to Kato, but caught himself upright at the end. His fists were curled impossibly tight again, lest he loses control of his composure.
“One more word out of you, and I swear, I will end it all here.”
As his voice trembled for the first time in living memory, the fury in his glower reached Kato in full force, who remained locked in place even as the pain throbbed from his lacerations from the hardened wooden branches. Kato felt utterly defeated, but with it came a reprieve and a giant weight off his body. A bitter smile formed on his face as he watched his friend turn away.
The others were just as shocked, as no one had ever seen Caius trip up. The closest instance was when the boys visited Caius in the hospital, and even at that age he was as sophisticated and articulate as he was today, in both calm and anger.
Steadily, Caius stormed out of the circle and picked up his pace almost to a run, going in the opposite direction of their homes. Cecilia, too, was as stunned as the rest of them, and she hesitated for a while too long before it dawned on her that Caius was just going to up and leave all of them behind.
Instantly alarmed and even hysterical, Cecilia gave the Elites a frantic, pleading glance, who unfortunately were abundantly distracted. Luckily, Sisi noticed her desperation and nodded reassuringly at her. The schoolteacher somehow knew what she was thinking, and she too returned the nod, now more confident. She turned to chase after Caius, just as he was about to disappear into the crowds.
A brisk run was needed to catch up to him, and she quickly realized it was much more difficult than anticipated to run in her geta, even if she only wore half a yukata. It was made worse as they entered the more crowded street compared to the square, and while she kept him in her sights, she felt a sinking feeling in her chest that she might lose him.
I’ve got to get to him, she thought. She wasn’t about to let Caius disappear on her; not when she had finally found a gloomy kindred spirit. For some reason, she felt that if she was not able to get to him now, he would close himself off altogether, and even go by his word to end it all. This uncertainty gnawed at her heart, pushing her to run faster and ignore the pain in her feet.
Even within this short of a timeframe, she thought she knew a lot about Caius, and she really did. They shared their thoughts and feelings countless times in the library, and through it she saw, many times, the underlying thoughts behind his usual façade in front of his friends. But she realized there was just as much about him that she didn’t know about, and in this moment she desperately wanted to know.
“No, no, no, no, no. Don’t go full emo on me, emo kid—!”