“Fuck!”
Caius kicked at the base of a tree planted in a small opening in the pavement on the edge of the waterfront. Other trees were sparsely planted along the tributary and were lightly decorated with lanterns of the equinox festival. He travelled quite far up the stream and away from Pedder Street, into an area that was much less crowded than the festival centre. Here, he cursed loudly without consequence.
He wasn’t angry at Kato in particular. Rather, he was frustrated with himself for the need to feel so strongly about Kato and Mayumi’s predicament. He told himself over and over again, that he no longer had anything to do with those two’s relationship, and yet here he was, furious at the whole of which had happened. He thought he had given up a long time ago, but alas, it was not the case. His chest burned at a searing one thousand degrees, and there was no amount of self-delusion that was able to put out the fire.
“Caius!”
A familiar voice called out to him, and suddenly, that blaze went up in smoke. He raised his head to see, catching up to him frantically, the blonde girl in a revealing pink-and-emerald yukata, wearing a panicked expression that only signalled worry and unease. He wasn’t sure why, but the moment he saw that face, he was able to bury his rage beneath his façade once more and receive her rather calmly for his state of mind.
“Celia. What are you doing here?”
Panting, she took deep, accelerated breaths with her hands on her knees. Her troublesome footwear slowed her down significantly, despite her relatively decent physical fitness from her job as a stage performer.
“I—I just, you—”
“Okay, let’s take it easy here.”
Caius held out his hands for Cecilia to grab onto, and she suddenly grabbed both by the forearms. Though he was taken aback, she didn’t stutter and looked up into Caius’ serene face, and snapped.
“Don’t just up and leave, stupid! What do you think you’re doing?”
He blinked, amazed. This was the first time the normally calm Cecilia was visibly angry in front of Caius.
“What am I doing?”
“Yes! Like, I mean, you did say you were gonna be angry if it turned out the way it did, but you didn’t need to run this far! It makes it hard for me find you! I went in the opposite direction before coming back here.”
Unexpectedly, Caius chortled at the trivial reason, but of course that wasn’t all. She continued.
“I get it that you have some old baggage with the other Elites, so there’ll be times where you’ll need to walk away for a while, but if you’re gonna be angry and depressed, at least take me along with you. We’re friends for a reason, right?!”
“Ah, was I really angry and depressed?”
“Don’t give me that shit! And now you’re all back to normal it seems, but you were about to murder someone back there. C’mon man, give me a break.”
“Hm?”
Wiping the sweat-soaked hair from her front, she grimaced at Caius and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking them.
“Did I worry too much about you and you’re really okay, or are you hiding your feelings again? Like, what’s going through your head right now? I don’t get it.”
While she continued to be vaguely exasperated, he reached up at the arms that were shaking him and held them firmly in order to calm her down. She did stop the shaking, but the sour expression remained.
“I’m not quite sure myself, to be very honest.”
The thin smile forming on his face didn’t help Cecilia one iota. Instead, her tense determination quickly dissipated, and the hands on his shoulders were slipping away as they turned limp.
“I… I don’t get it. I really don’t. If you can’t tell me, then what can you ever tell me? I want—I need to know, because otherwise, why am I even here?!”
Then, as the tears steadily rolled down her pretty face, Caius was rudely awakened to his mistake. He stepped forward and held her face in his hands, trying to distract her to calm her down.
“You’re right. Sorry about that. It’s just a habit of mine to not show anything. Rest assured that I’m an absolute mess right now, don’t you worry.”
His grin turned into a darker one, complementing the self-deprecating irony in his words. A little desperate, Cecilia bought his words at face value, and almost breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the familiar pompous edge in his voice.
“At least you get me. Thank goodness.”
“I’m not as dim-witted as Kato when it comes to these things, I want to believe.”
“Then prove it. Tell me, what’s going through your head right now. There’re things you have to share, or else no one’ll ever understand you.”
She said seriously as she peeled his hands off of her face. Seeing an inkling of impatience, perhaps an ultimatum in her reddened eyes, he had a sudden realization of how miserable the state of his chaotic thoughts and feelings were. He wanted precisely somebody to care about him to the point of anguish, as Cecilia was right now. Yet, his first instinct was to shut himself off from anyone and everyone, and in the process push away a person who was willing to share in his pain and suffering. He was afraid of putting his feelings, romantic or otherwise, in the hands of someone else because when he had, it broke his faith in others beyond repair. And all this time, he placed the blame for his hermetically sealed heart on his staunchest friend, Kato.
“Yes. I’m different from Kato. I won’t stumble like he did. So, would you listen to me, Celia?”
It was his turn to have tears flow down his cheeks. The years of mistrust and grievances finally caught up to him and overflowed unabashedly in front of Cecilia, and it painfully distorted his comely face.
“Of course I will. That’s why I’m here.”
Cecilia closed in and wrapped her arms around him, hugging his cold frame close to her. It felt as if his soul was slowly burned away over the years, hollowing out the body of its essence and leaving behind a barely functioning husk of his former, rowdy and hot-blooded self. He returned the soft embrace with his own, and hung his head on her shoulder neatly as they were similar in height.
“I…I’m just…really exhausted right now. I don’t want to think about anything. I’ve had enough heart trouble for one lifetime—in both ways. I’m very disappointed, troubled, frustrated, and it all hurt, for what had all transpired.
“I don’t want to hate Kato—and I don’t. But at the same time, I don’t want to forgive him. If he hadn’t been here, then all this would never have happened. I would still have a chance with Mayumi. She wouldn’t be heartbroken. The Elites would not be split apart by fractures made from our own hands.
“Was there anything I could have done to prevent this? I didn’t think so, and I still don’t. Everything happened as I rationally predicted, and yet I still want to throw myself into the river and end my misery. Why can I see the damned outcome, and have no power in changing it? And why is it that Kato is always the one who has that power to change things, back then and today?”
They let a long silence meander between them, taking their time brooding over his words. Cecilia knitted her brows at the grounded-up frustration she heard in his voice, and eventually asked carefully.
“…are you jealous of Kato?”
Immediately, an overwhelming flow of despair washed over Caius, sapping the strength out of his body. His knees buckled and Cecilia hastily clutched him by the torso, slipping to the ground and kneeling together.
“I’m…very jealous of Kato. Impossibly envious of his abilities and resentful for the great fortune he has. I have nothing in comparison to him.”
“…do you really wish him to be gone?”
She felt his grip tighten ever so slightly. His voice shook.
“Selfishly, I do. But if he was gone, Mayumi would have died back then, and without even a final goodbye. I can’t accept that either. I want both Mayumi to live and Kato to be gone, but I’m absolutely unable to make even one of those things happen, and I most certainly don’t deserve them either.”
“But still, you won’t hate him?”
He heaved a heavy breath, and it took a gargantuan effort to get the words to come out. It was unusually difficult to accept and admit its reality.
“…how could I? He’s my friend; an utterly irreplaceable friend, just like Eon. The three of us are supposed to be the inseparable trio, sticking together through thick and thin. Not only that, but I know that out of all of us, he was the one who cared about the Elites the most. I cannot even start to describe his passion for our friendship, and despicably, I’m jealous of him for the heart that he has, too.”
“Between a one-of-a-kind brotherhood and an unrequited love, you really have it tough here, huh.”
“But what can I do? All I could do was to watch Mayumi’s attempt crash and burn, and hold an irrational grudge against Kato for it.”
Cecilia smiled bitterly.
“You said it yourself, right? You’re Tommy, and Tommy is actually the most sober of the bunch, so he kinda knew what he was getting into, and what he would get out of it. You chased after your dream, and while you missed the mark, at least you’re still here, alive and kicking. While Tommy gave up and went home, you still have me here. The underbelly might not be solace, but at least St. Timmy is here to stay.”
He froze, but only for a moment. The spontaneous shaking started in his shoulders, and Caius couldn’t help but chuckle.
“In the story, Tommy isn’t supposed to stay with St. Timmy, though.”
“That’s cuz this St. Timmy is different. She’s a real person who’s here for you. And besides, Whatzshecalled didn’t even dump you this time. Even if your past was marred with a letterbomb, Mayumi today is still within your reach, and I’m here to help.”
Though she had to force herself a little, she still believed what she said. Mayumi was such a long way ahead of her that it stung a bit every time she was reminded of that.
“I’m impressed. But the second-last part is most likely untrue.”
“So… you’ve sobered up?”
“Thanks to you. Really.”
He felt a gorge of emotions deflate from within, and for the last time his embrace lost its strength. He finally came to terms with the fact that everything he did was utterly futile, and he could only be crushed underneath the misery of his torrents of emotions. He needed someone’s shoulders to cry on seven years ago, but he didn’t have that someone, so he turned into the bitterly spiteful man he was today, holding painful grievances that he logically knew was of no worth.
So, when Cecilia reminded him of Tommy’s story, it calmed him. Or rather, it extinguished a raging fire in his mind that was the chaos of his feelings for Mayumi and the Elites. Tommy’s settlement with himself was only possible after a long, internal struggle with his ideals. He really wanted to become someone he really wasn’t, and in the process of that, he destroyed his most important relationship: his romance with Whatzshecalled. In the midst of the letterbomb’s fallout, he went on a whirlwind journey through the city above the underbelly, working odd jobs in bars, cafes, restaurants and offices, and trying to find meaning in his post-crime life. When St. Timmy eventually called to collect his dues, Tommy finally realized and accepted who he was, and rejected St. Timmy’s dope in order to return home to Sunnyville. That was Tommy’s Homecoming, and it was likely the part of the story closest to reality, as the life of Tommy was a reflection of Mary Jane Armstrong’s own.
Still, St. Timmy’s call gave both of them realizations about themselves, but luckily, Caius’ St. Timmy was not coming to collect his head. He realized that this trivially insignificant emotional support he got from this St. Timmy, with absolutely no effect on the outcomes of today’s battles, saved him. It gave him hope that even if tomorrow was hard to accept, there were other things worth looking out for. He had much more than what Tommy had and he should definitely cherish them; starting with the girl he was embracing.
“I’m all over the place, aren’t I?”
“You’re a total wreck, Caius. A complete mess.”
Suddenly, loud pops from the atmosphere above prompted them to raise their heads and eyes. Some of the pops were isolated, while some were in quick succession like a machine gun. Even at the brightly lit riverside, they could see clearly the dazzling dance of fireworks in the night sky.
“It’s only a continuation of what was supposed to happen. You and the Elites only put this confrontation off until now, that’s all. A slap in the face that was in slow-motion for seven years in the making, and you should be loud and proud that it finally ended today… just kidding.”
Caius realized she had let go in order to face him. Watching the awkwardness jump across on her face as she grandstanded, it was probably as she said. He was a total wreck. He managed a lopsided smile through all his tumult, but nothing more. He still didn’t know why, but her words again brought calm to him.
On the other side, the awkwardness continued as her cheeks turned pink. Though she was a performer, they were off the stage right now and the distance—or lack thereof—between her face and his still made her heart race. A stammer just barely made it to her voice as her lips almost faltered.
“…I’m not Mayumi, or part of the Elites, but would you join me in the fireworks watch?”
“It wasn’t that bad, was it?”
Eon was the first to say anything in a long time. After Caius had stormed away, they all stayed in place and in almost complete silence. Kato had slowly pulled himself out of the bush and seated himself next to Bianca again, a total of two injured people in the group. His glazed eyes mirrored the emptiness in his tired expression, which was being etched in stone.
“If we move now, we’ll still catch the last bit of the fireworks when we hit the playground. C’mon, guys, let’s go.”
Despite the obvious time limit, just a few of them budged, but only ever so slowly. Crucially, they waited for Kato to make a move, and he did get up and walked several paces away around the planter to stop and idle at the edge of the square. However, it didn’t seem like he was going to move further any time soon.
“Kato, we can think about the two of them later. There’s nothing else left for any of us to do now, so might as well finish the day off with what we initially planned.”
“No, it wasn’t that bad. It could have been worse.”
Kato forced a smile on his face as he lifted his eyes up at his bespectacled friend. He felt somewhat relieved because thankfully Eon was the kind of person to be always looking forward and not dwelling on the troubles. He looked up to Eon for that affable trait of his.
“Well, he probably didn’t want to make too much of a ruckus in a public place like this, with so many people around us. It’s different from our spat.”
“Uh-huh…”
“You’re making the bingo card work, though. Congrats. You got punched by both of us. Now, you just need Franco to punch you for some reason.”
“Spare me, please. That’ll actually be so fucked up, if it ever gets to that point.”
“It sure would.”
And, of course, Eon and his light grin would subvert all his expectations with a dramatic U-turn. Classic.
“I’m going to stay here and find Teto. The rest of you guys can go first. I’ll try to take her back with me, but you can head home if I don’t return in time.”
Suddenly, the crew around him perked up in surprise. Alice was the first to make a gaping mouth, but she stopped herself as she saw nobody else making a sound. At this juncture, only Eon was qualified to continue talking.
“If you really want to go find Teto by yourself, that’s fine. Yeah, try and make it quick. It’ll be better if everyone’s together to see the fireworks.”
“She’ll take a little convincing to separate from her friends, but I’ll try my utmost to bring her with me.”
“No doubt she’ll need a little convincing, and no doubt you’ll try your damndest.”
Eon crossed his arms before he continued.
“Are you going to attempt to chase after Caius or Mayumi?”
Kato frowned.
“What good is that going to do for them or me? Besides, they have some people around them right now to help, and I definitely can’t be one of those people. I’ll find Teto and head towards the playground. That’s all I’m going to do.”
“I’m just making sure you’re not gonna do anything stupid if we leave you alone.”
“…thanks for the non-confidence vote.”
After erasing the annoying smirk that Kato found a little tiresome, Eon shrugged his shoulders and gave a lukewarm farewell.
“Take care of yourself, bud. We’ll pick this back up later, or not. Depends on if you want to.”
Eon held out a fist for Kato to bump, and he did so after a slow pause. Behind Eon, Alice grimaced harshly, mostly at Kato’s ignorance of her. Yui held Sisi’s hand tightly and both wore a worried expression. Franco smiled, trying to cheer him up with his bottomless positive energy, but like with Alice, Kato’s attention was divided.
“Yeah, we will. Thanks.”
Slowly, the group recovered themselves and quietly made their departures as Kato sat back down on the pavement, not even watching them go and instead retreated into the confines of his mind. He put his face in his hands, numb at the events of the past hour.
He didn’t know if his choice to match Mayumi’s fervour was correct. He could have given her an ambiguous answer and tossed the can down the road, but in the moment he felt he couldn’t back down. It felt as if things would never get solved if he continued to do that, and he hated the restless feeling in his chest that it produced. But in doing so, things got solved in ways that he might not like or have control over.
He was ready for Mayumi’s reaction and for many years too, because of his own selfish feelings towards her, but he was incredibly uncertain about Caius’. That was the real challenge, and he certainly was terrified of what would befall if he pushed them both too far, considering how Caius reacted the last time. Even if he made the decisions he thought Caius would logically agree with, as he did tonight, he was still afraid—infinitely afraid that it would irreparably shatter the Elites.
And at present, he was just as unsure as he was a couple of hours ago, if his fear would come to pass. Ever since Mayumi returned, there was not a moment he didn’t agonize over it, and now that the wheels had begun to turn, there was no turning it back. It all rested on what Mayumi and Caius would do next, just like the last time.
“Feeling down, huh, Kato?”
Suddenly, he was taken out of his trance with Bianca’s unexpected materialization next to him again. Once upon a time, he would mistake Bianca’s face for Mirabelle’s, but that was no longer the case. Not since Bianca had captured his heart, as Mayumi once had in the distant past.
“Didn’t you go with the others?”
“Unlike yourself, the others care about you. They want someone to look after you.”
“Care about me?”
“Like you said, Caius and Mayumi have their own people to support them right now. That’s why I’m here, okay?”
“I just want to be alone for a bit, man.”
“Of course you would. Just pretend I’m invisible, like you were doing for the past ten minutes or so. Carry on, carry on.”
“Do you have to be this ungrateful?”
“You’re the one who wants me to be invisible right now, and I’m giving you that choice. Isn’t it exactly what you want?”
“That’s—”
While he was momentarily frustrated, he finally noticed that Teto’s presence became very far away. The impatience on his face was suddenly flushed clean and replaced with astonishment, and to that Bianca scoffed.
“If you’re thinking about Teto, she actually came looking for us because she sensed your impending mental breakdown. And then, it’s partly because of her that I’m here.”
As Bianca spoke one step ahead of his brain, it finally made sense why she was next to him here. It was a result of the assessment by his spiritual twin and younger sister, Teto. A dumb grin surfaced on his face as he thought of his beloved sister and how she was caring about him at the moment.
“Y’see here, your siscon is showing again. Creepy.”
“We’re not attached at the hip, but we’re attached at the brain. You wouldn’t understand.”
“No, I don’t, and I would never want to, but I’ll admit that it was convenient this time around.”
“And now I’m stuck with an injured person that I also need to carry home by myself.”
“Do you have a problem with that, injured person number two?”
She stuck a finger into one of the scrapes on his arm, and he winced reflexively at the pain. He was a little surprised at Bianca’s attitude, compared to the relative silence between them ever since they came back from the Bozz. The sudden pushiness reminded him a little of Alice, but Bianca had always been a little pushy. And comparatively speaking, Alice was a lot more than just pushy. Commandeering, in fact.
He suddenly felt an extreme guilt wash over him as he allowed his thoughts of Bianca to wander. She was very different from when they were children. She was a disagreeable brat that found joy in making fun of, even bullying others, and as a result was frequently at odds with the Elites. As they got older, she gradually shed that obnoxious part of her and mellowed out to a relatively balanced temperament, squarely between Alice’s stubborn pride, Mirabelle’s enigmatic composure, and Mayumi’s fiery spirit.
He suspected that her younger self was the result of a serious inferiority complex; understandable as Mirabelle was the better of the twins in every way imaginable, at least in the eyes of the adults and Bianca herself. When Mirabelle began to slowly disappear from the Elites’ daily business to attend her tutors and extra classes, Bianca started to change. Without Mirabelle in the picture, she was able to let her complex go. Not completely, but enough to make herself likeable.
And likeable she became. Although with her pedigree of impertinence she would never reach Mirabelle’s level of charisma, at the very least she was able to captivate Kato; enough to allow her to sit here shoulder touching shoulder, all by themselves in the middle of the busy city. And that was why the guilt stung him. He had once done her wrong, and now history was repeating itself with Mayumi. Even worse, Bianca had unequivocally forgiven him when she had no reason to, and so he hated himself for wanting the same reprieve from Mayumi.
“The problem’s with you, not me. We haven’t had a conversation of more than two sentences since the Bozz until now, because of you. Do you know how frustrating that is?”
She pursed her lips, aggravated that he was being mean, but at the same time delighted to know that he had wanted to see her.
“Speak for yourself. You finally get it, now, huh?”
“Except this time, we’ve already come to a mutual understanding beforehand. No going back on your words, Bia.”
“Hmph. Well, if that’s what you’re gonna stand by, then we’ll leave it at that.”
“Are you implying that you’re not going to stand by that?”
“No. I’m merely saying that there’s nothing to discuss further.”
Bianca was clearly pouting but unfortunately for her, Kato’s head was still in his knees, thoroughly crestfallen and miserable—and she knew it, so she wanted to can that conversation as soon as possible. Kato sighed heavily, seemingly agreeing to her thoughts without his knowledge.
“Aight.”
Bianca put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, watching his deflated head from the side. Kato was still lost in the world of his mind, and had only a few thoughts to spare for his little sister.
“It’s gonna be all right, Kato. Mayumi must have been prepared for a rejection, and Caius’ reaction is within your expectations, no? Unlike last time, we’ve sent Ariel, Scarlett and Evie after Mayumi, and Caius has Celia now with him.”
“I know, I know. I’m just, super frustrated at all of this. Keeping the peace and the status quo can’t be this hard, can it? What I do to try and preserve it, can make it completely fall apart at the same time, so what’s even the meaning in all this?”
“It may be a tough job, but think of the past seven years. You already did more than well enough to keep everyone together for this long.”
“Except this is the year that should be the most important, and it could all end tonight.”
“I beg to differ. Everything up until this point is just as important. C’mon. Without the past, we won’t even make it this far. Y’know what would have happened if you didn’t insist on Caius returning when he gave you the chance? Mira and Ariel would be leading Class A as the Jupiter faction. Eon would have been promoted into Class B alongside me. Franco would have automatically been selected into Class C just from his social status. Yui would not have found a way out of the slums. Alice would have remained by Gilbert’s side in silent misery. That’s what’s important; not that we need to live in pretend harmony forever after.”
“…is that so?”
She felt the warm mass next to her begin to relax just a tad bit, and she smiled gently.
“Chin up. This peace wasn’t meant to last forever in the first place. Mayumi’s return is basically the beginning of the end. You already know that.”
“And yet I’m still desperately preventing the end from coming to pass. Is there really nothing else I can do?”
“That’s for Caius and Mayumi to decide, right? They’re the ones who couldn’t live with the peace, so it was always in their hands to start with.”
“And that’s probably why I’m so frustrated right now.”
“Then let me ask: what’s your reason to keep the peace?”
“What’s the reason…?”
“To have you feel so strongly about it. Well, I guess it’s this strong because it’s you we’re talking about.”
He was surprised. He thought the reason was a given, that he wanted everyone to stay together for one final year. But it was a selfish wish, it dawned on him. After the end of this year, everyone outside the Hearts candidates would not remember their existences, courtesy of a memory wipe. These memories would only live on in Kato, Evie and Teto’s, and possibly Alice’s, so the others didn’t need to worry about the continuity of the Elites. They would continue to pursue what they desired, with or without it, as they always had. That was what they always did, anyway.
“Ah… I think I get it now. That’s why it’s been so hard for me this past while.”
“You get it?”
“Mm. I mistakenly assumed that everyone else shared the same sentiment as me, but they didn’t. I’m so stupid. I thought I was doing this for everyone, but in the end, I wanted this peace for myself.”
She patted him on the head.
“Yup. And, well, this time around, you have an ally in me who agrees with you in keeping the peace.”
“And if I remember correctly, this was originally your idea, wasn’t it?”
“Well, yes. It seems like my wishes are a little too big, eh? But like you told me, I won’t be going back on my word, so you better not either.”
He smiled too, but bitterly. He raised his head, making a much better expression than what it was some minutes ago.
“Were you always this confrontational?”
“Imagine if I was Alice. How ridiculous would the things coming out of my mouth be?”
“On the contrary, Alice is not good at taking care of other people, so she’ll probably just stay tongue-tied and silent—which is exactly what I needed.”
“So, exactly like Evie, right? And how did that work out for you last time?”
Bianca moved to his front to nestle her head against his and hug it gently. The cutting edge in her words was nothing like the warmth of her touch. Though the air was stale with hours of burning meat, vegetable oil and smoke, he was still able to recognize Bianca’s familiar scent through all of it—a sweet scent that recalled a fresh, blossoming spring.
“It was better than you think. Evie got things done and closed the books on it faster than anyone could imagine.”
“That’s one way to put it. If you had to make that choice again, what would you have made?”
“Probably would’ve done everything in reverse.”
“Just like with Mayumi?”
Kato closed his eyes again, but much calmer than before.
“If Mayumi wasn’t this gutsy, I wouldn’t need to ask for a retake. Then again, that part of her hasn’t changed one bit, so we all saw it coming.”
A pause hung over them for a while before Bianca spoke up again.
“Was Caius accurate?”
“What was?”
“He said that you were in love with Mayumi. Is that true?”
Kato instinctively backed off and held Bianca away at arm’s length, but he didn’t stumble. Her face was as serene as it was before, unchanged.
“You’d be the one to ask that.”
“Even if I didn’t ask, you’d still think of how to explain it to yourself, the others, and then eventually, Caius.”
She shrugged nonchalantly, and he sighed in reply. For some reason, he couldn’t maintain eye contact with her, and his heart stopped for a moment as he asked.
“Then, what did you think? Did I seem like I was in love with Mayumi back then?”
“Now that I think about it, you were close. You were like her dog—”
“—that’s not how you should describe it. I was a sidekick, okay?”
He immediately interrupted her as he knew what kind of disrespect was coming, pulling a light-hearted giggle out from Bianca.
“But I think you both were in that territory. The reason why neither of you noticed was that she was always looking ahead and away from you as you chased after her coattails. And the only thing that needed to happen to get the two of you to realize everything, is for her to turn around.”
“…was that really how it was?”
“Even someone so self-absorbed like my kid self could see that. What did you think Caius had seen?”
“You’re right. That was probably how he saw it.”
Downcast again, Kato planted his face in his knees in exhaustion. Bianca put both her hands on the top of his head, holding it lightly.
“And at the very end she did turn around to see you. That was when I realized everything that was happening and it all made sense. Mayumi really left Caius out to dry in pursuit of her true feelings. I can respect her resolve, but something like that will inevitably hurt those around her.”
He heard a twinge of sadness in her voice that he tried to ignore, but it hurt all the same because something similar happened between him and Bianca. He didn’t say anything, merely letting the stir of emotions simmer slowly on his mind.
“What did you think of Mayumi at the time? After she confessed to you?”
“…I didn’t know what to think, to be honest. Of course, the first thing I thought was how would Caius fit in all of this. Mayumi was supposed to be together with him, but she ditched him and went after me instead.”
“If you didn’t have to think about the consequences and she was, somehow, able to stay with us and not suddenly disappear, would you have realized that you loved Mayumi? Or if your memory doesn’t serve you right, then if you give it some more time, would you have eventually fallen in love with her?”
“You’re right. I don’t remember if I was aware of it or if in fact it was true. But if you’re asking if I eventually would, I can say yes, slowly and awkwardly because I was a stupid fourth-grader. I didn’t have a very firm grasp on the concept of romance at that point—only enough to see it in and among other people, and not myself.”
Bianca eventually asked calmly. Surprisingly, Kato knew the answers to those questions and without doubt. On his chest he felt something akin to a sense of relief, so it was probably something he wanted to say for a long time, but was impossible to do so until now.
“…that’s pretty much an admission that you loved Mayumi, isn’t it?”
“Even if it is, it doesn’t matter now. I can only say that it was a possibility at that point in the past, but there is no returning to that now.”
“And that’s why you’re in the situation that you’re in.”
“…”
Another silence filled the space between them as the still-lively festival continued around them. Fortunately, there were no bystanders who stopped for more than a moment to observe. Off in their own little world, it was a temporary respite from reality, protected by a bubble of the city noises and the festivities’ distractions.
“Well, you don’t need to hold that against yourself. To be able to fall in love is as natural as anything, and in fact I appreciate that part of you. I think a lot of the others do, too.”
“’To fall in love’; you really have no hesitation in saying that out loud, do you?”
“That doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m the one consoling you here, so I have to have some guts.”
And then, a flutter of popping sounds from above interrupted their spiritual refuge. It was joined by a jumble of cheers from the people below who were excited that the fireworks had finally begun. Watching the multicoloured sparks of light streak across the blanket of darkness, Kato’s consciousness snapped back to the present. His dulled senses had returned to him, as if a lens had refocused its visual precision correctly, and became infinitely more aware of the girl in front of him.
His face began to scorch at the distance that she had closed between them, and somehow, he knew Bianca felt the same; unconsciously, he was reading the aura of mana that was right in his face, and with that knowledge he couldn’t help but feel buoyed and euphoric. He could even feel her heartbeat, pounding at such a furious pace that it stirred his own to attempt to match it. Though cliché, worry for his sweating crossed his mind for a split second nevertheless.
Just as quick as his return to earth, another wave of guilt washed over him and seared at his heart. Bianca had no business to be here with him, yet she agreed to Teto’s request and babysat him in his worn-out state. Like with Mayumi, he felt hopeless and defeated at how he couldn’t return Bianca’s kindness—and affection. Not in the form their hearts wished for.
“Fuck.”
Kato quickly picked himself up and onto his feet, letting go of Bianca for only a moment before picking up her whole in his arms. Though surprised and a little flustered, she didn’t forget to wrap her arms around his neck in order to hold on. It wasn’t the first time they had done this, and with strong and heavy strides, he quickly passed through the crowds and paced towards a familiar building across from the open square.
“Where’re we going?”
“To the top of Livia Tower, of course.”
“We’re gonna get up there right now?”
“Well, yes.”
“And how do you expect the hotel to let you up there?”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem, but they can’t stop me even if they wanted anyway.”
Livia Tower was one of many high-rises on the block, and one purposed as a hotel. As a city situated at a major natural junction, there were many hotels like these across the city. When they were kids, Karl sometimes used his wallet to bring the kids to the rooftop of Livia Tower to enjoy the fireworks of the equinox.
Bianca laughed gently at the haphazardness and idiocy from Kato. She was pleasantly reminded of the level of thoughtlessness he had in him, and though it was probably unrelated, in her head she inadvertently drew parallels with the current situation with Mayumi.
Though modern enough, Livia Tower was on the older side, a building made from real brick and mortar rather than glass. The main hall had a tropical ambience with its white paint backdrop, tan-coloured bricks and palm trees. The lack of metal and sleekness gave off a quaintness of the preceding decades. The open atmosphere almost expected country music to spontaneously start playing, a complete opposite from the cramped and crowded city outside. The difference was, of course, the blasts of air conditioning that reminded them that they were inside a hotel.
“Good evening, sir. Your card, please.”
“Here it is.”
“Which floor, sir?”
“The roof, please.”
The main, retro elevator was an old-school mechanical metallic cage, complete with a folding steel fence as a door. There once were no controls inside the elevator, and it was operated by the old man on the ground floor who pushed the buttons at the request of the client. Of course, nowadays, controls were installed inside for safety purposes, but the business maintained their time-honoured tradition of operating it from the outside.
“How do you have a card key for a room?”
“I told you. They can’t stop li’l old me.”
“You booked a room here tonight on purpose? Who paid for it?”
“Only so that we have access to the rooftop, in case we don’t make it back to the playground in time. It was a part of Eon’s contingency plans that I paid out in full.”
“Well, if you’re willing to shell out for it. Equinox night is crazy expensive.”
“I know, right? I wish I didn’t need to budget my money.”
“Is that jealously I hear in your voice?”
“Nuh-uh. I may be poor, but I am proud.”
“Pft. Only someone like you would be proud to be poor. I have not seen anyone like that, not even the other Elites.”
“It turns out that the poor one is the one who’s still standing here. That’s an obvious win.”
“That’s got more to do with your health, and nothing to do with your wealth. And besides, I’m the one getting a free ride, so who here has the W, hm?”
“I can drop you off at the next bus stop and call it a day, y’know? But I’m feeling awfully generous today, so I’m letting you have the W. Be grateful.”
“If you did leave me behind, it’ll still be a loss for you. I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”
“Figures.”
One and a half conversations later, they made it to the top of the building, and just in time to see the continuation of the fireworks above them. There were other guests on the rooftop as well to celebrate the equinox, but of course there were much less people than there were on the streets. The area was laid out like a typical enclosed park, with rows of plants and a few trees, plenty of benches and gazebos, and open spaces. The rooftop was fenced in by a doubled up tough chain-link barrier, as most buildings were.
They sat themselves at an empty bench near the edge with a clear view in the direction of the gunpowder show. The explosions were rather close, so the pops were loud in their ears and would briefly muffle the chatter around them. They saw parents conversing lightly among themselves as their children clung to the inner fence, innocently reaching out to the sparks in the sky in awe.
“We used to do that, eh?”
“That was such a long time ago. Even someone as clammy as you would glue yourself to the fence.”
“Now that I think about it, all the kids did, and it’s probably covered in kid grime and germs.”
“Sister, spare me the imagery.”
The fireworks continued, and would last for a good thirty minutes before the last one was fired. It was one of the few public festivals in the year that the city organized a firework show, and private fireworks were entirely banned in the city, so it justified the long shows.
“Are you chilled down enough now?”
“‘Chilled down’? Is this another one of Eon’s nefarious creations?”
“Judging by your tone, you’ve chilled down enough.”
“More or less.”
Though they were already touching, Bianca squeezed even closer to him, leaning into his shoulder. She twisted her hand into his, grasping it firmly in her clutches.
“…that’s against the rules, sister.”
“If we remain silent, then we’re good.”
Kato knew she meant that not only silence was needed when they get back, but also here. This was about as close as they could get without crossing a boundary that would break what was left of the status quo. He was more focused on the warm body next to him and how much he wanted to embrace it with all his might, than the spectacle in the sky. Unconsciously, he reciprocated her grip on his hand, as though to affirm his affection for her.
On the other side, she felt as if her heart was about to burst out of her ribcage. His return hold slowly turned her cheeks deep red and herself lightheaded. Because of that and their fortuitous isolation, before she was able to give it a second thought, she let her thoughts spill out of her lips.
“Was I able to make you forget about Mayumi for the time being?”
Suddenly, both of them froze. One was unsure of how to respond, the other was waiting in fear and in a state of self-reprimand. However, at the same time, Bianca really wanted to know the answer, so she hesitated to retrieve her question and allowed it to hang between them. It was a while before he was able to painstakingly assemble an answer.
“More than I’d want to admit. We might not have another chance to go on the Ferris wheel, but at least I could bring you here.”
Bianca’s heart welled up in happiness, but only for a moment. The Ferris wheel was not just about her.
“Isn’t this the real reason you answered Mayumi this way? You have some unfinished business elsewhere to take care of.”
“Nah. Even if some business is unfinished, my answer to Mayumi wouldn’t have changed.”
She was surprised at the calm resolve in his voice. She looked up at his face, and somehow its peaceful expression assured her of its truth. Bianca turned towards the dancing lights in the sky once more, somewhat satisfied at the result.
“Then, I hope I’m part of the unfinished business.”
She said gently as a large, golden sphere of points of light in the sky above scattered in all directions like miniature comets. It was accompanied by the loudest bang yet, drowning out these rosy words from Kato’s ears.